Happy 2nd Birthday Son!! It’s time to join the competition.

Son. We just celebrated your second birthday. You officially stepped into the “Child” category from the tender “Infant” bracket. And it’s time to prepare yourself to join the competition. Let me enlighten you with some of my profound wisdom on the competition. Well, it’s like one of your remote controlled cars. Every kid of your age has one of these. How you drive it makes the difference. A sloppy start and you lose. If you race too hard, you might crash. If you slow down, the others move ahead. Either way, you fail. You need to start early, be consistent and ruthless, maintain the momentum and steer ahead with focus. Problem is, competition never ends. From your birth-weight and height to your salary and the upmarket apartment you afford, everything is a parameter for competition. Every day is a mad rush.

Unfortunately, Son, I think you are already lagging behind. I see desperate working parents dragging kids half your age to those fancy crèches and play-schools, early in the morning. Some say it’s just a pretext to dump their kids for the day and head to the office. Well, I feel these parents are simply preparing the kids for the competition. Right from the ‘infant’ stage. Society just finds a way to ridicule such corporate parents for their progressive thinking. These parents would buy their kid’s cool toys, imported chocolates, expensive mobiles and send them to fancy international schools. A dreamy childhood most of us never had.

Well, Son lets zero down on the agenda. So kids your age are already reciting numbers, pointing out fruits, veggies. Most of them have already mastered the age-old drill “A for Apple, B for Ball, C for Cat” all the way up to “Z for Zebra”. Some of the smarter kids seems so intrigued by current affairs. Priyanka Chopra getting married, Hardik Pandya screwing up Koffee with Karan among other National News. Such brilliant kids. And look at yourself. Spending your day fidgeting in the mud, blabbering alien sentences and trying to swallow your feet. You are already late for the competition son. I am so worried.

Your mother and I have decided to send you to one of the play schools. No more fooling around. We also plan to arrange for special home-tuitions. Experts with professional scientific crash courses for kids like yourself, who are yet to be kick-started. Yes, we could have done it ourselves. But you see, we hardly have the time or patience to help you with studies. So outsourcing seems like the perfect option.

Childhood isn’t the time to fool around son. And your days are going to be super-busy. But don’t worry. I am sure you would soon adapt and love it.

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