According to unconfirmed reports, popular social networking site Facebook is shutting down its global operations. A staggering 2.23 Billion Facebook users worldwide would be impacted. As mayhem, grief and identity crisis grips the world, Governments across several Nations are stepping up preparations to tackle apocalyptic outbreaks.
In India, the News went viral on WhatsApp, leading to widespread chaos and mob violence. Something very common in India. A group of politically backed youths lynched an Amazon delivery boy to death. The group also posted selfies and videos of the ghastly incident on their Facebook page. The state government expressed “extreme grief” and announced a compensation money of INR 1 Lac to the kin only after they furnish details of an Aadhar linked bank account. Meanwhile, the police asserted – “We would investigate soon. The department is still struggling with 434 pending mass lynching cases in recent times.”
Smartphone Industry jolted; N. Korea Threatens Nuclear War.
The shocking News of Facebook phasing out its operations was announced at its Headquarters in California, amidst tight security. The Chinese Smartphone industry was the first to react, as their stock prices came crashing down. This is a shocking setback for the “Selfie” Smartphone genre that had taken self-obsession to a whole new level. Shelia Williams, a resident of Nevada recently posted – “Where would I post my selfies? The last selfie I pouted for was at my uncle’s funeral. This is so depressing.”
The world falls Victim to Identity Crisis
A majority world population has been reeling under severe identity crisis. Users with a staggering number of Facebook friends and almost nil real-life socializing skills are feeling devastated. As an effective action plan, “Friendship camps” have been set up in a few countries, where people can meet real people and make real friends. “Furnishing any evidential document isn’t mandatory at all. Similar to Facebook, this would help participants blatantly lie about their age, nationality, profession, salary, hobbies, passions, success, life etc. We want people to make more and more friends.” – clarified one of the committee volunteers. Members would however not be allowed to poke each other. Group Admins have been appointed to moderate the proceedings.
Meanwhile, prominent North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has been trolled on Twitter, after his latest reaction on Korean media – “Facebook? What’s that?” North Korea threatened America with a nuclear strike if the trolls don’t stop immediately.
Cosmetic Industry Anticipating Massive Growths
On the contrary, the cosmetic industry has been anticipating massive growth opportunities. Facebook always made people look fair and beautiful. With Facebook gone, people would depend on layers of cosmetics to look good in real life.
Additionally, people who usually resorted to fake profile pictures can continue doing so. Indigenous “Fake You” booths have been set up to camouflage users with make-ups. “From Marlin Monroe to a flower pot, we can make you look just as you want to.” – added a key spokesperson. Popular cosmetic brands have collaborated to set up “Fake You” booths across 134 “Friendship camps” worldwide.
Scantily populated countries such as Malta, Greenland, and Seychelles have been distributing free Visas to tourists willing to participate in their Friendship camps.
Nationwide Strike (Bandh) in India. Cow Vigilantes Unleash Wrath.
The India Facebook offices were unavailable for comments, owing to the ongoing “All India Strike”. A stray incident of cow slaughter in a distant village of Rajasthan had infuriated the nation of 1.34 Billion population. The country unanimously joined the protest and happily obliged to a nationwide “strike” paralyzing business, transport, trade, and healthcare across the country. “It’s okay if you rape our girls. It’s okay to loot public wealth and flee the country. It’s okay to start communal riots. But you DON’T MESS with our Cows.” clarified an infuriated member of the opposition political party. Facebook India employees received the News 36 hours after it was announced at the company headquarters.
Facebook Japan Already Knew? A Hint of Information Leak
Interestingly Facebook Japan employees were already aware of this sensational News long before it was even finalized at the California headquarters. An unfortunate case of Facebook Information leak. At a time when the company CEO Mr. Mark Zuckerberg has been vehemently opposing claims of Facebook leaking confidential customer Data to global analytics firms. Many of the Japanese employees had even planned alternate careers and landed plump jobs at rival companies, a week prior to Facebook’s official announcements at a press conference in the California headquarters.
Tourism Industry Collapses: Vacations are no longer Fun
A strong panic was evident across the millennial population. Tourism and aviation industries have taken a massive hit, as reservation cancellations have been piling up. “Vacations are no longer fun. How would the world know? When I board a flight. When I reach the destination. Or check-In to a fancy hotel. Head out for shopping. Hangout with friends. Eat. Sleep. Walk. Pee. Fart? How would my BFFs know if I am feeling excited, happy, sad, depressed, angry or tired? Doesn’t the world deserve to know of my erratic mood swings? And how would I show-off my new vacation dresses?” – said 17 years old Irene Easley weeping inconsolably. “Now everyone would simply assume that my life is boring and bland.” – she added.
Apparently, vacations are incomplete, rather unnecessary if you don’t manage to choke your smartphone, SLRs, memory cards and laptops with a zillion photos. According to scientific reports, a millennial tourist clicks average 17000 pictures on a weeklong trip and posts 40-50% of the edited photos on social media over the next 4 months.
Social Networking giants such as Facebook has become an integral part of our daily lives. To an extent that many of our real-life actions and activities are largely influenced by our plans to showcase the same on Facebook, where it reaches a bigger audience with a single button-press. A person whose life looks dazzling on Facebook might be reeling under scores of problems in real life. That’s the crux of a virtual society. You can influence public opinion and reaction, by sharing information that is sunny and convenient. Therefore, what we share on Facebook largely defines what people think of us and think of themselves.
The details contained in the article are work of imagination and fiction. We all love Facebook and hope it never shuts down.
Categories: Great Indian Curry
Lol. That was a very interesting read. I loved it. I loved your style of writing! Humour delivered via sarcasm is rather hard to achieve. Or, at least, that’s what I feel. But you have truly nailed that part. I just couldn’t stop laughing. Great post! Please do write more of these!!!
Exactly! You could be caught for spreading rumours:D
But sincerely, nice post. Keep it up 👍
At one point, I was scared to publish this post. What if people did not care to read the post completely. They would go around spreading the message that Facebook is shutting down.
Good one!😂 I was scared at the very thought of Facebook shut down!
Thanks for making things clear in the end!
Thanks for the lovely comment. Amazing to see you actually read the article. Most people I find just browsing through the post and leaving behind comments that are too generic. Clearly hinting towards the fact that they haven’t read the post. Thanks a lot. You seem to be a travel buff. Something I am passionate about too.
Very logical write covering important information.
Love this post and we wouldn’t mind this imagination turning into reality someday. We have all become very mechanical and we largely owe it to the TV and the social media. And we absolutely love these lines “It’s okay if you rape our girls. It’s okay to loot public wealth and flee the country. It’s okay to start communal riots. But you DON’T MESS with our Cows.” India’s priorities certainly need a reality check 🙂